'(Would You Like A )Weasel On Your Easel?'

Scout is a small girl who lives in a yellow house in Storyland, which we estimate is somewhere in the wilds of East Angularshire. '(Would You Like A) Weasel On Your Easel?' is the third in this series of tall tales, in this case starring Scout (the girl) and Monsieur Fandango (the artist) dwelling on the extreme joys of two central concerns of a young child's life - the magic of small wild animals and the havoc of messy painting. Put those magic animals in an art studio and what could possibly happen? Let's find out shall we?


Would you like a mink in your sink?

No Sir, I would not like a mink in my sink

That would make it very hard to get a drink

Minks are slinky and warm to hold

But I don't want one in my washing up bowl

Would you like a stoat in your coat?

A stoat's in my coat? Well how can he see?

This fella shouldn't be in here, he should be set free

He's worrying my pocket, he's nibbling my sleeve

He's got his eye on my buttons, he really must leave

Would you like a vole in your bowl?

Monsieur Fandango this is really too strange

Those apples and grapes have been carefully arranged

A vole in my bowl would cause me great strife

It would be very unsettling for my very still life

Would you like a mole in your coal?

Sir oh Sir this situation is dire!

I'd better refrain from starting a fire

I fear for my carpet, bless all of my souls,

After all, aren't holes dug by little moles?

Would you like an otter on your jotter?

An otter on my jotter? That would be a sight

But how can I sketch? How would I write?

He should be out swimming by the banks of a river

Not stuck indoors making my watercolours quiver

Would you like a weasel on your easel?

Now hang on a minute, this is getting absurd

These mammals are splendid but haven't you heard?

With a weasel on my easel I simply can't paint

Whatever's up next? A fox feeling faint?

Would you like a faint fox in your paintbox?

Oh Monsieur Fandango this is making me frown

My palette's all furry and his fur's dark brown

This fox is not fleet, his whiskers are pale

And if he doesn't wake up soon I'll paint with his tail

Would you like a beaver with a cleaver?

By Van Gogh's  beard! Pale saints alive!

This toothsome critter is playing with knives!

He's gnashing and slashing, my canvas is spoiled,

And don't get me started on the state of my oils

Would you like a ferret in your beret?

A ferret in a beret? Why Sir, hang your head in shame!

Those words may look similar but they don't sound the same

Ferret sounds like 'Turret', as on top of a fort,

And 'Beret' sounds like 'Monet', or so I always thought

So Monsieur Fandango, my mood is dark black

These rodents and whatnots are a real art attack

They are chewing my pencils, they are gnawing my brushes

They are chasing each other and ignoring my hushes

The mink's in the sink and is chewing the plug

The stoat's left my coat and is now ruining the rug

The vole in the bowl is eating the fruit

The mole in the coal is sneezing out soot

The otter's blotting my jottings with his damp little paws

The weasel's scratched my etchings with his sharp little claws

The ferret's in a French hat and looking quite cute

The fox is out-foxed by the great smell of Art Brut

The beaver's disbelieving but frankly Sir, I don't give a dam,

I'm outta this s-s-s-studio, I am I am I am.

Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'

"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.

Out NOW on fierce panda books...

Buy it on Amazon.

US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights

or

UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top