'(Have You Seen My) Cow On A Plough?'

"Scout is a small girl who lives in a place called Storyland, which is we've heard is somewhere in the East Of Englandshire. '(Have You Seen My) Cow On A Plough' is the second in a string of (he)artily unhinged sagas, in this case starring Scout (the girl) and Farmer Fandango (the farmer) ruminating upon the perils of two fascinations of a young person's life - farmyard animals and wheels. Put those farmyard animals on those wheels and what would would happen? Let's find out..."


"Hello there Scout. Have you seen my goose on the loose?"

"A goose on the loose? Sir, you should take care!

Luckily your bird's on that wagon over there.

So we don't need a search party out at the double -

A wild wild goose chase would have caused trouble!"

"Have you seen my lamb in a pram?"

"Well, a lamb in a pram is an adorable sight,

But  Farmer Fandango this just isn't right!

This lamb needs to gambol in meadows and frolic,

Not lie around with a bad case of colic!"

"Have you seen my collie in a trolley?"

"Hold onto my glasses, my eyes are out-popping.

For I strongly suspect that Shep's been out shopping.

But a sheepdog on wheels, sir that's just not smart.

What's coming next? A sow in a cart?"

"Have you seen my pig on a gig?"

"Lawks, is this piggy taking herself off to market?

Does she have scratchnav? Where will she park it??

Don't get me wrong - I like trotters and snouts,

But this piggy's getting jiggy when you should muck it out!"

"Have you seen my goat on a milkfloat?"

"A goat on a float? Sir, this is too weird,

He's got a cap on his head and cream on his beard!

His gold top bottles are rattling in their crates,

And if he drives that slowly he's going to be late!"

"Have you seen my duck in a truck?"

"Oh Farmer Fandango, this gets ever stranger.

A duck in a truck must surely spell danger!

He's driving with feathers, how can he be steering?

This tale is quack quackers, sir are you hearing?"

"Have you seen my sheep in a jeep?"

"Now hang on a minute, this is getting berserk

A sheep in a jeep, just how does that work?

He's gone through the baaaarn, he's up in the clover

Perhaps our woolley friend drives a Lamb Rover...?"

"Have you seen my cow on a plough?"

"Chickens and eggheads, this is no farm!

This yard is a war zone! It's a place of great harm!

This lady should be lowing and chewing the cud

Not turning your turf and moooving the mud!"

"Have you seen my nag in a Jag?"

"Now Mr. McFarmer this is becoming surreal,

To see your prize steed behind such a sleek wheel.

For while this animal charm is a joy be had,

I'm sure you're saying four wheels good, two wheels bad!"

"So Mr. McFarmer, you must take control,

This isn't a farmstead, it's too rock' n' roll,

I've come to the country to see wide open spaces

But all I've witnessed so far are whacky farm races

Your geese are released and honking like crazy

Your collie's in a trolley because he's so lazy

Your lamb's in a pram all swaddled in silk

Your goat has decided to deliver the duck with the milk

Your pig is trotting to town with good tidings

Your sheep's stopped being sheepish and has gone off joyriding

Your fresian ploughs furrows with great bovine cheer

And your horse thinks it's Morse, it would clearly appear

I came here for peace, I came here for quiet

Instead I'm confronted by a farmyard riot

Your stable's unstable, your field's in a jam,

I'm departing this farm I am, I am, I am!"

Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'

"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.

Out NOW on fierce panda books...

Buy it on Amazon.

US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights

or

UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top