The 'kite who was scared of heights' of heights' has gone digital! (Just in time for Christmas) Get your Kindle or physical version on Amazon and your other favourite online shops!
Tuesday, 2 December 2014
Monday, 14 July 2014
Scout's first book...
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Friday, 13 July 2012
'(Would You Like A )Weasel On Your Easel?'
Scout is a small girl who lives in a yellow house in Storyland, which we estimate is somewhere in the wilds of East Angularshire. '(Would You Like A) Weasel On Your Easel?' is the third in this series of tall tales, in this case starring Scout (the girl) and Monsieur Fandango (the artist) dwelling on the extreme joys of two central concerns of a young child's life - the magic of small wild animals and the havoc of messy painting. Put those magic animals in an art studio and what could possibly happen? Let's find out shall we?
Would you like a mink in your sink?
No Sir, I would not like a mink in my sink
That would make it very hard to get a drink
Minks are slinky and warm to hold
But I don't want one in my washing up bowl
Would you like a stoat in your coat?
A stoat's in my coat? Well how can he see?
This fella shouldn't be in here, he should be set free
He's worrying my pocket, he's nibbling my sleeve
He's got his eye on my buttons, he really must leave
Would you like a vole in your bowl?
Monsieur Fandango this is really too strange
Those apples and grapes have been carefully arranged
A vole in my bowl would cause me great strife
It would be very unsettling for my very still life
Would you like a mole in your coal?
Sir oh Sir this situation is dire!
I'd better refrain from starting a fire
I fear for my carpet, bless all of my souls,
After all, aren't holes dug by little moles?
Would you like an otter on your jotter?
An otter on my jotter? That would be a sight
But how can I sketch? How would I write?
He should be out swimming by the banks of a river
Not stuck indoors making my watercolours quiver
Would you like a weasel on your easel?
Now hang on a minute, this is getting absurd
These mammals are splendid but haven't you heard?
With a weasel on my easel I simply can't paint
Whatever's up next? A fox feeling faint?
Would you like a faint fox in your paintbox?
Oh Monsieur Fandango this is making me frown
My palette's all furry and his fur's dark brown
This fox is not fleet, his whiskers are pale
And if he doesn't wake up soon I'll paint with his tail
Would you like a beaver with a cleaver?
By Van Gogh's beard! Pale saints alive!
This toothsome critter is playing with knives!
He's gnashing and slashing, my canvas is spoiled,
And don't get me started on the state of my oils
Would you like a ferret in your beret?
A ferret in a beret? Why Sir, hang your head in shame!
Those words may look similar but they don't sound the same
Ferret sounds like 'Turret', as on top of a fort,
And 'Beret' sounds like 'Monet', or so I always thought
So Monsieur Fandango, my mood is dark black
These rodents and whatnots are a real art attack
They are chewing my pencils, they are gnawing my brushes
They are chasing each other and ignoring my hushes
The mink's in the sink and is chewing the plug
The stoat's left my coat and is now ruining the rug
The vole in the bowl is eating the fruit
The mole in the coal is sneezing out soot
The otter's blotting my jottings with his damp little paws
The weasel's scratched my etchings with his sharp little claws
The ferret's in a French hat and looking quite cute
The fox is out-foxed by the great smell of Art Brut
The beaver's disbelieving but frankly Sir, I don't give a dam,
I'm outta this s-s-s-studio, I am I am I am.
Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Buy it on Amazon.
US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights
or
UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Would you like a mink in your sink?
No Sir, I would not like a mink in my sink
That would make it very hard to get a drink
Minks are slinky and warm to hold
But I don't want one in my washing up bowl
Would you like a stoat in your coat?
A stoat's in my coat? Well how can he see?
This fella shouldn't be in here, he should be set free
He's worrying my pocket, he's nibbling my sleeve
He's got his eye on my buttons, he really must leave
Would you like a vole in your bowl?
Monsieur Fandango this is really too strange
Those apples and grapes have been carefully arranged
A vole in my bowl would cause me great strife
It would be very unsettling for my very still life
Would you like a mole in your coal?
Sir oh Sir this situation is dire!
I'd better refrain from starting a fire
I fear for my carpet, bless all of my souls,
After all, aren't holes dug by little moles?
Would you like an otter on your jotter?
An otter on my jotter? That would be a sight
But how can I sketch? How would I write?
He should be out swimming by the banks of a river
Not stuck indoors making my watercolours quiver
Would you like a weasel on your easel?
Now hang on a minute, this is getting absurd
These mammals are splendid but haven't you heard?
With a weasel on my easel I simply can't paint
Whatever's up next? A fox feeling faint?
Would you like a faint fox in your paintbox?
Oh Monsieur Fandango this is making me frown
My palette's all furry and his fur's dark brown
This fox is not fleet, his whiskers are pale
And if he doesn't wake up soon I'll paint with his tail
Would you like a beaver with a cleaver?
By Van Gogh's beard! Pale saints alive!
This toothsome critter is playing with knives!
He's gnashing and slashing, my canvas is spoiled,
And don't get me started on the state of my oils
Would you like a ferret in your beret?
A ferret in a beret? Why Sir, hang your head in shame!
Those words may look similar but they don't sound the same
Ferret sounds like 'Turret', as on top of a fort,
And 'Beret' sounds like 'Monet', or so I always thought
So Monsieur Fandango, my mood is dark black
These rodents and whatnots are a real art attack
They are chewing my pencils, they are gnawing my brushes
They are chasing each other and ignoring my hushes
The mink's in the sink and is chewing the plug
The stoat's left my coat and is now ruining the rug
The vole in the bowl is eating the fruit
The mole in the coal is sneezing out soot
The otter's blotting my jottings with his damp little paws
The weasel's scratched my etchings with his sharp little claws
The ferret's in a French hat and looking quite cute
The fox is out-foxed by the great smell of Art Brut
The beaver's disbelieving but frankly Sir, I don't give a dam,
I'm outta this s-s-s-studio, I am I am I am.
Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Buy it on Amazon.
US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights
or
UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Friday, 18 May 2012
'(Have You Seen My) Cow On A Plough?'
"Scout is a small girl who lives in a place called Storyland, which is we've heard is somewhere in the East Of Englandshire. '(Have You Seen My) Cow On A Plough' is the second in a string of (he)artily unhinged sagas, in this case starring Scout (the girl) and Farmer Fandango (the farmer) ruminating upon the perils of two fascinations of a young person's life - farmyard animals and wheels. Put those farmyard animals on those wheels and what would would happen? Let's find out..."
"Hello there Scout. Have you seen my goose on the loose?"
"A goose on the loose? Sir, you should take care!
Luckily your bird's on that wagon over there.
So we don't need a search party out at the double -
A wild wild goose chase would have caused trouble!"
"Have you seen my lamb in a pram?"
"Well, a lamb in a pram is an adorable sight,
But Farmer Fandango this just isn't right!
This lamb needs to gambol in meadows and frolic,
Not lie around with a bad case of colic!"
"Have you seen my collie in a trolley?"
"Hold onto my glasses, my eyes are out-popping.
For I strongly suspect that Shep's been out shopping.
But a sheepdog on wheels, sir that's just not smart.
What's coming next? A sow in a cart?"
"Have you seen my pig on a gig?"
"Lawks, is this piggy taking herself off to market?
Does she have scratchnav? Where will she park it??
Don't get me wrong - I like trotters and snouts,
But this piggy's getting jiggy when you should muck it out!"
"Have you seen my goat on a milkfloat?"
"A goat on a float? Sir, this is too weird,
He's got a cap on his head and cream on his beard!
His gold top bottles are rattling in their crates,
And if he drives that slowly he's going to be late!"
"Have you seen my duck in a truck?"
"Oh Farmer Fandango, this gets ever stranger.
A duck in a truck must surely spell danger!
He's driving with feathers, how can he be steering?
This tale is quack quackers, sir are you hearing?"
"Have you seen my sheep in a jeep?"
"Now hang on a minute, this is getting berserk
A sheep in a jeep, just how does that work?
He's gone through the baaaarn, he's up in the clover
Perhaps our woolley friend drives a Lamb Rover...?"
"Have you seen my cow on a plough?"
"Chickens and eggheads, this is no farm!
This yard is a war zone! It's a place of great harm!
This lady should be lowing and chewing the cud
Not turning your turf and moooving the mud!"
"Have you seen my nag in a Jag?"
"Now Mr. McFarmer this is becoming surreal,
To see your prize steed behind such a sleek wheel.
For while this animal charm is a joy be had,
I'm sure you're saying four wheels good, two wheels bad!"
"So Mr. McFarmer, you must take control,
This isn't a farmstead, it's too rock' n' roll,
I've come to the country to see wide open spaces
But all I've witnessed so far are whacky farm races
Your geese are released and honking like crazy
Your collie's in a trolley because he's so lazy
Your lamb's in a pram all swaddled in silk
Your goat has decided to deliver the duck with the milk
Your pig is trotting to town with good tidings
Your sheep's stopped being sheepish and has gone off joyriding
Your fresian ploughs furrows with great bovine cheer
And your horse thinks it's Morse, it would clearly appear
I came here for peace, I came here for quiet
Instead I'm confronted by a farmyard riot
Your stable's unstable, your field's in a jam,
I'm departing this farm I am, I am, I am!"
Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Buy it on Amazon.
US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights
or
UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
‘(Would You Like) Bees On Your Cheese?’
Words by S R Williams and images by Antonio Papaleo
Scout is a little girl who lives in a place called Storyland, which we think is somewhere in the middle of East Anglia. '(Would You Like) Bees On Your Cheese?' is the first in a series of haphazardly arranged escapades starring Scout (the girl), Mr Fandango (the waiter) and a pawful of absurd situations which in this particular case relate to two central concerns of young person's life - the perils of strange food and the excellent gruesomeness of insects.
Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Buy it on Amazon.
US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights
or
UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Scout is a little girl who lives in a place called Storyland, which we think is somewhere in the middle of East Anglia. '(Would You Like) Bees On Your Cheese?' is the first in a series of haphazardly arranged escapades starring Scout (the girl), Mr Fandango (the waiter) and a pawful of absurd situations which in this particular case relate to two central concerns of young person's life - the perils of strange food and the excellent gruesomeness of insects.
"Good afternoon Scout. Would you like lice on your rice?"
"No Sir, I would not like lice on my rice,
That wouldn't be fun and it wouldn't taste nice,
It's bad enough when they sleep in your hair.
But egg-fried lice? That's just not fair!"
"Would you like a fly on your pie?"
"A fly on my pie? Oh me, oh my!
Frankly Sir, I'd rather die,
Apple or mincey, meaty or lean,
This is one crusty crust I'd like to keep clean!"
"Would you like a caterpillar as your sandwich filler?"
"Mr.Fandango, Listen to your head!
Are you putting creepy crawlies in my bread?
Even with egg and cress that's going to be tickly,
And too many caterpillars is too, too sickly!"
"Would you like fleas on your peas??"
"No I would not, and that's a fact!
This is one dining offer I'd like you to retract,
Fleas on peas would leave me vexed-
I presume bees on cheese is coming next!"
"Would you like bees on your cheese??!"
"Oh mercy me, I saw that one coming!
I heard them too, with all that humming.
This is all too much smellow yellow for me,
Although I do like the sound of 'Bumble brie'..."
"Would you like a snail in your ale???!"
"Heavens to Betsy, I'm only a child!!
I'm not allowed ale, no matter how mild!
Please Sir, a snail in my ale will just not do -
And a bug in my jug is taboo, too!"
"Would you like maggots on your faggots???!?"
"Maggots and faggots? Are you having a laugh??
All that wriggling will make me barf!!
Sir oh Sir, this creepy menu is making me doubt,
That you have any meals with the ticks taken out!!"
That you have any meals with the ticks taken out!!"
"Would you like some beetles on your meatballs???!!"
"Would I like what what on my wibble??
Sir I sense you are starting to dribble!!
This is no 'Daily Special', it's a punning crime,
Why, "Beetles and meatballs" don't even rhyme!!!"
"Would you like nits on your grits?!??!!"
"Would I like my grits sprinkled with nits???
Really, this tea room is quite the pits!!!
I'm telling you now, there's something fishey
About all these dishes being so...un-dishy!!!!"
"So before you bring another plate,
Mister Fandango, let me reiterate:
I do not want lice on my rice,
And I will send it back twice (if not thrice).
I do not desire fleas on my peas,
Or have a taste for bees on my cheese (even in threes),
Caterpillars crawling into my butty,
Would make me itch and go 'Tut-tut-tutty'.
A snail in my ale would make me turn pale,
And nits and grits are right off the scale.
The maggots and faggots can stay in the can,
And beetles and meatballs? They don't even scan!
Frankly Sir, your gaff is a sham -
I'm leaving this story, so I am, I am, I am!"
Scout's first book 'The kite who was scared of heights'
"A great story about overcoming your fears" Coldplay's Chris Martin.
Out NOW on fierce panda books...
Buy it on Amazon.
US:http://www.amazon.com/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406538549&sr=8-1&keywords=The+kite+who+was+scared+of+heights
or
UK:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kite-Who-Scared-Heights/dp/1910053368/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
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